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This is entry: #23
Titled: [where i am]
Written on: January 22, '04
Time posted: 04:51 PM
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Actual words: NOW AT RAZTIC!
This is entry: #22
Titled: [This sounds fun.]
Written on: November 17, '03
Time posted: 11:23 PM
Mood: dorky
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Read comments: 10
Actual words: By the way, my entries are friends only past this, well most of them, so deal with it if your not on my friends list.
This is entry: #20
Titled: [Let's try this one more time.]
Written on: November 16, '03
Time posted: 11:51 AM
Mood: disappointed
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Read comments: 2
Actual words: Ok, my life has been really hectic, but I don't know if I can share what went on in this journal, since a lot of people have access to the words I might say. I'll edit my friends list so only certain people can read it, and I guess that I can finally start sharing my life again to all the gj readers.
This is entry: #19
Titled: [So sorry.]
Written on: November 14, '03
Time posted: 03:42 PM
Mood: dorky
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Read comments: 2
Actual words: I'm sorry for not updating. Or commenting. My life is eh. I'll try to get back to this journal sometimes. My other journals are taking over.
This is entry: #18
Titled: [Home again.]
Written on: November 11, '03
Time posted: 12:04 AM
Mood: dorky
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Actual words: I can't believe that I'm finally home. I didn't expect for much to happen at Las Vegas and California with my family, but it was better than I thought it would be. I'll keep this short. Well, at first, it totally sucked since we left four hours later than we were supposed to. Which made us late for our connected flight, so we had to spend the night at a place off of Phoenix, Arizona. I wrote a letter to Max, since I didn't remember anyone else's addresses. We left for Las Vegas, and I sat next to this guy named Christopher James something. It was cool since I had someone to talk to, but I found out that he was sexually controversial, and I should emphasize the sexual part. It was weird, since I'm single, but I don't feel single since my heart seems taken by my crush. I got to Las Vegas, went places, watched a lot of live shows, played DDR a lot, stayed at two hotels, went in an indoor theme park, got people souvenirs, met Atreju and Sarah and a whole lot of other people at my hotel, ate a lot, and then left to go home. There's my summary. I got home and I missed everyone during the whole time. I got to call Lesley though, and tell her that I was gonna get her a stuffed penis, and I talked to my bestest friend Brie a couple of times. I think that my mom is gonna kill me since I used up massive minutes when calling from California and Nevada.
This is entry: #17
Titled: [Should've brought my camera.]
Written on: November 04, '03
Time posted: 03:48 PM
Mood: distressed
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Read comments: 11
Actual words: Today could've been better. I got to school and walked around with Animal and talked to random people. I found out that I got drunk and had sex with Animal and she's having two more kids. Not really, but I was really confused when she was telling me the story. We saw Max, and he was looking for me and Animal and we talked and then went to band. We were going to go have another arm war, where we insulted eachother by writing things about eachother on our arms. But, we realized that we were in school, and writing imature things like drawing pictures of penises and stuff like that was inappropriate and that bitch disciplinary person would fucking suspend us, so, I just wrote something stupid and covered it up. Band was an interesting period for me. Me and Katie were cracking up as usual. As stupid as it may sound, the person that I like actually looked at me today. Which I guess, is amazing. In second, I was actually capable of writing this huge note in french. It was awesome. In third, it was normal. In fourth, we played a game that we won easily since my team rocks. In fifth, the class watched a movie, while I took off my chucks and made a checkerboard design on it. In sixth, I got called down to the disciplinary person since Alex was being stupid and he was mooning people on Halloween. My geometry class is so fucking immature. In seventh, I was drawing. In eighth, I had a lab, so I had no gym, and I was just talking to Katie and someone was pissing me off. Animal told me to go for it. She wanted me to 'stoof' Razz. She wasn't there, and I just couldn't do it without her. I should do it tommorrow morning, it's my last chance to, before I leave my state for four days. ::Le Sigh:: I don't want to go to the other side of the United States. I think that Vegas and Cali could go suck my balls. I'd rather stay home and be with friends. My family sucks. The end.
This is entry: #14
Titled: [Ok.]
Written on: November 02, '03
Time posted: 06:47 PM
Mood: curious
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Read comments: 4
Actual words: I want to thank all my friends for having to deal with me. I have been such a pain within the last week when I spoke about my obsession of some person. I really love the kid, and everyone knows that except for the actual person. I'm writing Razz a note since I don't want to deal with awkward silences when I tell him how I feel. I'm such a dork. I'm really happy that I get to go to Vegas with a person like Lissy, she's really cool. She had to tell her boyfriend and her mom that I was gay just so she could go and be with me in the same hotel room. I think that it's hilarious.
This is entry: #13
Titled: [I skipped.]
Written on: November 02, '03
Time posted: 06:45 PM
Mood: creative
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Read comments: 3
Actual words: Here's the list that I made. It's the things that people should worry about when they first meet me. [Why is almost everything related to something sexual?] It's not too big yet, but it'll do for now:
1.] If I lick my lips when I'm around you, then I have thought about making out with you. [by Blake]
2.] If you have really nice eyes, then make eye contact with me, I have a thing for eyes. [by Deet]
3.] I have a wicked tongue. [by Ashley]
4.] If you're getting a massage by me, don't make any random sexual noises/moaning. [by Amanda]
5.] I'm addicted to kissing. [by Jayke]
The list ends here, for now, I forgot that I didn't give the link to my site to people or advertise it anywhere.
This is entry: #12
Titled: [I've got a winner.]
Written on: November 02, '03
Time posted: 04:12 PM
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Read comments: 6
Actual words: I found out that Ilyssa can go, but she keeps saying that if Razz can go, then I really should go with him. It's a "future romantic investment." Ilyssa told her boyfriend that I was gay, so he wouldn't worry. I'm having a hilarious conversation about how I should take Razz. featherbedavenue: OWN HOTEL ROOM?!?!.... WOAH YOUR TAKIN RAZZ WETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT!!! Wow, that was great. I got called a dog! ::gasp::. I can't say that it's my fault. A lot of the girls that I talk to are so much hornier than I am. I have to go find Razz now and ask if he can go to Vegas. I want him to say "yes" and "no." Yes; because Razz rocks. No; because I don't want to ditch Cherry Nerd. I have a really bad throat right now, and I was brushing my teeth, and I looked at my tongue, and screamed, "HOLY SHIT MY TONGUE IS GREEN!" I forgot that I ate green candy that makes your mouth green and I spazzed.
This is entry: #11
Titled: [Awesome.]
Written on: November 02, '03
Time posted: 03:47 PM
Mood: grateful
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Read comments: 3
Actual words: My family is going to Las Vegas and California from Wednesday afterschool to Sunday night. I found out that my sister can't go since she moved to school, and she actually has school on Thursday and Friday, so now, we have an extra ticket. I want someone to come with me, and I'm using up my sister's ticket. I hope someone can come with me.
This is entry: #10
Titled: [I'm bored.]
Written on: November 02, '03
Time posted: 02:37 PM
Mood: cynical
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Read comments: 257
Actual words: I want people to tell me what they think other people should worry about when meeting me for the first time. If you've ever gone to any of Blake's parties, then you really need to iM me and tell me. I'll make it my next post.
And by the way, I need a pink polo shirt for the xXx-mas party. Buy me one, someone, I don't want to use my money on clothes anymore.
This is entry: #8
Titled: [No room to live.]
Written on: November 02, '03
Time posted: 01:35 AM
Mood: excited
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Actual words: I've been on the computer practically all day and night. I was just trying to search for the most recent episode of Smallville, and usually, I could watch it right away, but this episode is just not coming up. I put my animation in my info. I could put it in here, but that would deal with having to get the code and putting it here, which takes too much work. I'm really tired, but my thoughts keep me awake. I really think that I should stop thinking about Razz, but I need Razz to keep me happy. And being happy is exactly what I need in this time of my life. I was talking to my girlfriend. She wants to break up with me too. I would want to break up with me too. It's my surprise for her on Monday. I don't think it's much of a surprise if you know what's going on. I only want one form of surprise. And I want it in a form a kiss from Razz on Monday. That would be uber-cool. I would be so excited for the rest of the year. I know that it won't happen any time soon. I'm giving it time. I'm letting it gradually increase in intesity. This is something worth waiting for.
This is entry: #7
Titled: [Wishing.]
Written on: November 01, '03
Time posted: 10:39 PM
Mood: hungry
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Actual words: So this genie walks up to me. Actually, I guess that you would have to say that he floated to me from his rubbed lamp. "Seven wishes." I thought that I would only get three, but having four more wishes was always better. My first wish was to have Razz like me in the way that I felt towards Razz [don't have]. My second, to have Razz be capable of having comfortable conversations as long as comfortable silences [almost completely have]. My third, to have Razz stay the same way, and never change on me [so far, I have]. My fourth, for Razz to enjoy every kiss given and recieved [don't have, since we've never kissed, ::le sigh::]. My fifth, to have Razz always be honest [have]. My sixth, for Razz to always be happy [so far, have]. I couldn't think of a seventh wish. Everything else, I would have already had. I wanted Razz to have a perfect personality, and other than the fact that Razz didn't like me, Razz's personality is awesome perfect. So what is there to wish for? Oh yeah, I want to always be happy. But I think that it would be too much to ask for as a last wish. Maybe I should keep it light. I'm really thirsty. I want a giant-sized water.
This is entry: #6
Titled: [Thoughts]
Written on: November 01, '03
Time posted: 08:52 PM
Mood: dorky
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Read comments: 1
Actual words: I'm really bored, and I've decided to type out my thoughts: I wish that I was capable of typing at super speed. That would be highly entertaining. I want someone fun to talk to right now. I want to talk to Brianna and rant about my life. It's cool that she listens to my secrets. The person that is dancing on my television is really hot. I really ugly person scared the shit out of me when I turned back to look at the TV. The world is turning gangster [I think that I'm in hell]. I want to learn how to speak German and Japonese. Learning Jap' would be really useful.. in Japan. How am I friends with so many homophobes? I don't think that they like me as much as they should, knowing that I like both genders. I don't blame them. You can't always control how you feel, and I guess that being homophobic isn't a controlled emotion. I'm not who Razz wants me to be. I can't be what Razz wants me to be. I want to be able to be loved by Razz. I can't stop thinking about Razz. Maybe I should take a breath. Maybe I should stop thinking about Razz. ::Deep Breath::. ::Le sigh::. A lot of people are telling me to give Razz time to have a chance to at least like me in that way. I'm willing to wait. I have been waiting for so long. I can't stand having to live through each and every day knowing that there is no one that I love that can love me back. I really like Razz. My parents and my little sister went to Atlantic City. Too bad Razz can't come over this weekend. Damnit, that was my way of trying to change the Razztic subject. I feel like I can't last another second of my weekend without Razz. I would be scared to own a midget as a pet. Midgets are capable of holding knives and stabbing you in your sleep. I was watching the Amanda Show, thinking that everything else would remind me of Razz. But there's this guy who was saying, "I know how it feels to be waiting.. your entire life." It was sad, because I feel like that I've been waiting, my entire life. The TV makes me feel so depressed. Every channel reminds me of Razz. I turned to a different channel, and this guy said, "I think that we were meant to be together. I just can't stop thinking about [person's name here]." I want to go play guitar now. I'll write more later on.
This is entry: #5
Titled: [Poetic souls, I pity you.]
Written on: November 01, '03
Time posted: 07:17 PM
Mood: bored
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Read comments: 2
Actual words: Once again, my mind repeats the same poems.
numberone
all he needs
is to
be missed
because to
be missed
is to
be wanted
and to
be wanted
is as
essential as
his beating heart.
in that case
consider
him already
facedown
on his bedroom
floor
his beating heart
now
a still-life
testimony
to his
defeat.
numbertwo
If I recall correctly, I used to have
thisnaïvefantasy
that the deafstars would
somehow discover
a sense of hearing
& finally listen
to the hundreds
of wasted
wishes
I threw into the
darkened night.
All that time, I
couldhavebeen
lyinginbed
making those wishes
come true,
at least inmydreams;
though, the dozens of
insomniac nights
are nothing
compared to the
countlessdays
spent
waiting for the sun
to set on the diurnal abyss,
the constant vigil of
loneliness,
so I could wrap myself in
the nocturnal shroud
to obscuremylips
pattering together,
whispering their
romantic prayer
intotheclouds.
numberthree
I had a bad dream to-night: the kind
that leaves you
gasping for your breath
&yourhandsclamped
on the edge of the
stark sheets(soaked with your
sweat);
in which you
run&you run&you run&you
just can't run far
enough&you're not sure
what you're running from
(or if you're getting
anywhere
at all);
that clearly manifests
its meaning but
the memory of knowledge dawdles(
ruthlessly) at the
precipice of your
rapidlynarrowingken.
Silly fool, (you think you are--
ormaybe)youare
--for letting
the bane of your slumber
escape from the alcoves
of your mind
numberfour
even in my dreams
i search for you
to take me in
your arms while
the world is
spending reality
in one other's
close embrace.
here is the
only place i'll
find myself
spending forever
with you
so it's short
just like the
time we're
spending together.
numberfive
I sat there
feeling my diaphonous
heart bleed uncontrollably.
It cannot be
your fault since
you simply did
not know of
it's hidden delicacy.
It was all
good in the
end because once
again, you're innocent.
But now, pristine
smiles are wasted
when you're caught
with red hands.
you are now
the epitome of
being blatently guilty.
past
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